The Autism Optimist

“I’m so sorry”. “I could never do what you do”. “You’re an amazing Mom for bringing him places”. “My kids can be difficult, but obviously I can’t complain to you”. These are just some of the phrases I hear everyday from friends or people who try to comfort me about the cards we’ve been dealt.

For years I’ve watched the kids of friends and family members grow into their own little people and I’d compare our son with them. It’s natural. In all of our relationships there’s been a distinct line where the paths of our kids begin to separate as they get older and develop further. For a long time that made me feel badly as I watched other children jump headfirst into a world that was made just for them. Their days filled with fun activities and toys they loved like unicorns and characters they’ve grown with available EVERYWHERE you looked. Hundreds of toys in the store or on cereal boxes, clothing, backpacks accessible to their parents at all times. The fun crafts they would play at the kitchen table, the bike riding, the sports, the after school care, the tv shows, the birthday party invites – all of the fun times in a childs early growing years. What a great gift it is to share in these moments with your kids…. and here I was looking on feeling like we would miss out on all of this because we’re different – we’re a family living with Autism. Our son, now 8, was diagnosed when he was 18 months old. His Autism limits his verbal, cognitive, emotional, social and intellectual abilities. For us, all those dreams we had, the plans we made, the future we were building was now for a life we could no longer live. It was meant to sit on a shelf and be just a reminder of what we wouldn’t have.

“I wasn’t cut out for this either” I’d tell my friends, “I didn’t sign up for this. I’m not stronger than you”. I have almost zero experience with children so how am I going to raise one with Autism? I own and run a restaurant that runs 7 days a week, have an active and screaming toddler…when the f*%k am I going to read these textbooks on Autism? I don’t speak this language, I don’t know where to start, I can’t tell what should be priority or not – why are there so many acronyms?? The “Handbook for the Recently Deceased” from Beetlejuice? That’s what we needed, just a small little pocket handbook to get us going.

The phrase “Autism – Different, Not Less” would bounce around my brain like so many expressions I’ve heard in this community… but then I began to realize that truth! My son may be different then his neurotypical peers but not less. Owen has his own unique, interesting and awesome interests that goes way beyond cartoon characters or typical kid preferences. I learned that I can absolutely find toys for him – they just sell them in different kinds of stores like the supermarket! My son loves shapes, colors, where they live and exist and that’s accessible to me everywhere – he taught me that. Who cares if he doesn’t want to ride a bike – he loves to jump 30 feet off a cliff into a lake. So what if he can’t (or doesn’t want) to play video games – he prefers spelling backwards and memorizing every place he’s ever been. Yes, he may yell sometimes in protest of something or someone – but he sure as heck isn’t having the kind of tantrums I see some neurotypical children have. He may not play organized team sports but there’s plenty of individual player sports he can do if he wants to…like fishing with Daddy on the boat all Summer. He may not be able to provide me with a 40 minute long answer about how his day was, but we have special Mommy and Owen cuddles with laughs that last for longer. He can’t dance, but he can bounce on a trampoline better than some circus performers.

My Mom was right, I was meant for him and he was meant for me and everyday I find another reason to be grateful for this gift. So what if I’m not allowed to sing in my own house or car that I pay for? He’s taught me to be patient and reminds me that no matter how much I think I can change what he can tolerate – ultimately its his world and we’re all living in it. Smile – it can’t all be serious! But seriously, I’m not allowed to sing and you aren’t either.

That’s what this blog is all about – humorous anecdotes about living with Autism, some adventures and real deal challenges we go through. Thank you for reading.